Facebook is a bitch!
I get up late. By late I mean, I get up early in the afternoon at around 1 PM. I do this to avoid all of the following "early morning blues":
1. Peacocks shrieking to their hearts content. Trust me, when you are in a campus with more than 100 peacocks, you will hate the existence of this cursed specie. Its a chain reaction, their cawing is. One peacock, quite whimsically and often outside my room window, would go "PEEEYON" and then all the peacocks will follow suit, all over the campus. A hundred "PEEYON"s, without a hint of synchronization, is not something you'd want to get up to.
2. Mails that remind me that I am a lazy bum and have not completed any of the work I was supposed to have done by night before.
3. Mails that tell me what more has to be done. In spite of the fact that everyone knows I'm a lazy bum.
4. Having to go to classes. Classes where I sit like an illiterate Italian male chauvinist watching an adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice", in Swahili.
5. Having to endure an ever sleeping roommate. When one gets up, one likes to see some energy to shake him/her out of sleep. All I get to see early in the morning is a fat man sleeping, without a care in the world or a fat man getting ready to sleep without a care in the world. This just makes me want to go back to bed. Honestly, it does.
6. Hunger. Its impossible to eat in the mess and the canteen doesn't open till 2 in the afternoon. :|
7. All the morning chores. They are supposed to keep me healthy. Fuck it! I like my teeth yellow. I would not have brushed my teeth ever, had it not been for my mom who one day told me categorically that no girl likes a guy with artificial dentures and bad breath. It is still a pain to go through that oscular oscillatory motion of a hand while foaming at the mouth.
8. Many more. Someday when I am up early, I will update this.
Now, when I get up in the afternoon, some of these blues take care of themselves. Peacocks don't caw. I can always say I didn't check the mails until it was very late in the day thus didn't have much time to do anything. Roommate is a pain even in the afternoon because no matter when I get up, he will be sleeping. But then in the afternoon I realize that I can't, I just can't, sleep as much. When I get up late, I miss all the classes. The guilt is easier to handle than 3 crazy instructors. I get to eat in the canteen without having to brush me teeth :D
But then again, Facebook today ruined everything by sending a mail with the subject:
"Prashant, you are more desired than less than 20% of all the people"
It still is fine, because they use "more" and "less" quite strategically in this sentence. I actually was happy when I saw this subject and went "In your face less than 20% of the people". Reality hit when I checked the contents of the mail. They were as follows:
************************************************************************
This email was sent by Social Profile. You can disable emails here.
---
In total, you were reviewed for dating 17 times and no people expressed interest in you.
You are more desirable than less than 20% of 23,337,145 people.
Last week you were viewed 2 times and no people expressed interested in you.
************************************************************************
What the fuck? Really? Are all the dirty perverts/big nosed folks/ugly folks/stupid folks/irritating folks dead? If not, what makes me end up in the bottom 20% of the "Desirable for a Date" rankings? Fuck everything, I am from Indian fucking Institute of Technology. Clearing that ass of an exam (JEE) puts me right up there, with "more than 99% of the exam takers" eating my shorts.
Damn it! I need to add more single lassies as friends. Single lassies who think a tall lazy bum with yellow teeth is cool enough to go out on a date with.
Disclaimer: I do brush my teeth but in the evening. I have just had enough troubles with the second sex and I am not looking for anymore dates. For once, I really really am not looking for dates. Damn! Facebook is a bitch!
It feels good to be able to write again.
1. Peacocks shrieking to their hearts content. Trust me, when you are in a campus with more than 100 peacocks, you will hate the existence of this cursed specie. Its a chain reaction, their cawing is. One peacock, quite whimsically and often outside my room window, would go "PEEEYON" and then all the peacocks will follow suit, all over the campus. A hundred "PEEYON"s, without a hint of synchronization, is not something you'd want to get up to.
2. Mails that remind me that I am a lazy bum and have not completed any of the work I was supposed to have done by night before.
3. Mails that tell me what more has to be done. In spite of the fact that everyone knows I'm a lazy bum.
4. Having to go to classes. Classes where I sit like an illiterate Italian male chauvinist watching an adaptation of "Pride and Prejudice", in Swahili.
5. Having to endure an ever sleeping roommate. When one gets up, one likes to see some energy to shake him/her out of sleep. All I get to see early in the morning is a fat man sleeping, without a care in the world or a fat man getting ready to sleep without a care in the world. This just makes me want to go back to bed. Honestly, it does.
6. Hunger. Its impossible to eat in the mess and the canteen doesn't open till 2 in the afternoon. :|
7. All the morning chores. They are supposed to keep me healthy. Fuck it! I like my teeth yellow. I would not have brushed my teeth ever, had it not been for my mom who one day told me categorically that no girl likes a guy with artificial dentures and bad breath. It is still a pain to go through that oscular oscillatory motion of a hand while foaming at the mouth.
8. Many more. Someday when I am up early, I will update this.
Now, when I get up in the afternoon, some of these blues take care of themselves. Peacocks don't caw. I can always say I didn't check the mails until it was very late in the day thus didn't have much time to do anything. Roommate is a pain even in the afternoon because no matter when I get up, he will be sleeping. But then in the afternoon I realize that I can't, I just can't, sleep as much. When I get up late, I miss all the classes. The guilt is easier to handle than 3 crazy instructors. I get to eat in the canteen without having to brush me teeth :D
But then again, Facebook today ruined everything by sending a mail with the subject:
"Prashant, you are more desired than less than 20% of all the people"
It still is fine, because they use "more" and "less" quite strategically in this sentence. I actually was happy when I saw this subject and went "In your face less than 20% of the people". Reality hit when I checked the contents of the mail. They were as follows:
************************************************************************
This email was sent by Social Profile. You can disable emails here.
---
In total, you were reviewed for dating 17 times and no people expressed interest in you.
You are more desirable than less than 20% of 23,337,145 people.
Last week you were viewed 2 times and no people expressed interested in you.
************************************************************************
What the fuck? Really? Are all the dirty perverts/big nosed folks/ugly folks/stupid folks/irritating folks dead? If not, what makes me end up in the bottom 20% of the "Desirable for a Date" rankings? Fuck everything, I am from Indian fucking Institute of Technology. Clearing that ass of an exam (JEE) puts me right up there, with "more than 99% of the exam takers" eating my shorts.
Damn it! I need to add more single lassies as friends. Single lassies who think a tall lazy bum with yellow teeth is cool enough to go out on a date with.
Disclaimer: I do brush my teeth but in the evening. I have just had enough troubles with the second sex and I am not looking for anymore dates. For once, I really really am not looking for dates. Damn! Facebook is a bitch!
It feels good to be able to write again.
posted by Prashant Gautam at 2:24 PM
12 Comments:
There are reasons why I like to sleep all the time:
1. Morning or evening, peacocks or no peacocks, there are always people who want you to do something. Like study, get an intern, brush your teeth, go to the canteen, eat Bhaang, act weird, go crazy, laugh, play Zatacka, and so on.
2. Keeping yourself awake is a pain because then I have to search for things to do. Things that could be done and would still not kill the fun of doing it. This is extremely hard.
3. Like I said, doing things that will help in making a living are bottommost on my priority list. Thus the guilt and fear. Consciousness doesn't wash that down. At least unconsciousness doesn't remind me of it.
4. I dream more. Day-dream and night-dream. It's easy if you sleep during both.
Facebook, Orkut and MySpace are certified time-killing bitches. Add to that the people, the crawling, swarming hordes. Frozen in photos, looking cool and happy. It's worse than the real world, if that is still possible.
Classes are no more a pain because of the professors mate. Now the people are the reasons, so-called batchmates. Divided objectively into segments. Worse than the worst nightmare.
thats what makes me your big time fan .. :)
welcome back me love. I am always ready to go out on a date with you :D
naaaaaaaaaaarfffff - " more desired than less than 20% of all the people"
aww you poor thing. :D
2 words _____ Fucking correct.
Exactly my views.
ahem ahem....i shid not have started reading your blog with this one, but nonetheless, ill stop at "a nice one!"..
by the way, i hope you remember me? from school?! have a blog myself! check it out sometime if you get time.
@Adhirath
I do remember you. Thanks for dropping by. I wonder though why you wouldn't have wanted to start reading with this post. Its probably one of the most untwisted ones and holds true :)
hmm..true for sure maybe..its just that ive always seen, lets say a different side of you..i can see IIT got the best out of you..he he!
adhirath dont try to tag iit along with him, seriously. he's more or less the same i guess. ;)
let my mind clear up a bit, m typing between my fits of laughter! i know it aint supposed to be funny, no offence!
I have a better record than you :D
@Kartiek
Of course you would! From what I know of you, you are far more intelligent, gentlemanly, move in a social circle with better sex ratio and you don't appear to be frowning in most of your pics :)
I have every reason to be jealous of you.
And I still need to add more single lassies who will be interested in a date with a lazy bum with not so yellow teeth :)
A show off disclaimer.
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