My Suicide Note
I don't know why I am doing this... Life is a gift they say, well may be I don't like this gift!
Life has been good to me; in fact its like a gift wrapped in layers. You get rid of one layer and you find another one much more beautiful than the previous one. But then one day, you run out of layers and then you find out what the package contained. I think that the stuff in the packagin is alive and is a shapeshifter. It transforms immediately in a thing which shall amuse the owner the most as well as tease him/her the most.
Life for me has been a big crazy ball. It has always provided me with all the fun and frolic but then it has been as hard to control. It has been bouncing out of my reach for quite some time now, its been too fast for me, it spins a lot more than I want it to and the material it is made up of irritates me to hell. It is spongy and texture is rubbery, you know like one of those teething toys which you always want to bite and squeeze. I am afraid that I am on the brink of biting it open.
It has been a nice, 18 year long (well almost 19) joyride. Honestly, it has been fun all the way. But then you have too much fun and life seems to be too shallow. There has not been much that has made me sad. As one of my friend says, we are sad by choice. We can always be optimistic and take the circumstances to be in our favor, but that is a very hard thing to do. We can ignore certain things but that is equally hard. The beauty is, doing hard things makes you man enough to take up more challenges in life which are as hard to do; so the vicious circle begins. Life is all about getting into that cycle. You get into it once and you only get out of it when you die. That's why I admire Lewis Carroll, he describes this circle so beautifully in Alice in Wonderland. Remember when Alice was falling through that hole, she was amazed by all the things she could see, pots oh shelves, clothes etc. It was amusing, yet frightening to fall through that hole. No-one knows how deep is this rabbit hole, all we know is that when you die, you fall out of the hole in the Wonderland.
I have met a lot (and I mean a L-O-T) of people, but only a rare few have affected me. I don't know how my dying would affect them, but may be I don't want to know. For if it doesn't affect them, it would hurt me to know that; and if it does, I would be unhappy about me dying(here I am assuming that I will know what is happening even after I die, something like re-incarnation. My friend tells me that I would be a bug in my other lives, well I hope that this bug understands all the languages of the world). They, these people I mean, have been the most wonderful wrapping of this gift and undoing them has been the most amazing experience.
Have you ever wondered why don't you want to die? Or why you are afraid to die? There are many possible answers, vis-a-vis
Of these, the most prominent one, and the one not mentioned, is that we know we cant die because we are indispensable to at least one person on this planet(or we think we know). This person can be anybody, it can be your parents, your lover(s), your friends, your pets, your baby.. Anybody. Once you know that these dependent variables can do without you, trust me you'd want to die(until, of course, you are too selfish and want to survive just for yourself, then your reasons for surviving are pretty similar to the 4 I have mentioned above).
Then there are people who would die because they think that they on of the most despicable creatures on this planet and their survival cannot be of any use to anybody. But they survive because they can always find people who are worse than them(they have to find such people, don't they?).
I don't know which category do I fall into. May be, I am one of those paranoid beings who have little voices in their heads which make them sad, which make them despise everything around them. But then may be I had been surviving because of my parents or may be I am just too lazy to something as hard as killing myself. I mean I could eat loads of sleeping pills and hope to not wake up in the morning, but what if that fails? I could be all crippled and brain damaged, then I would have to undergo a fucking police interrogation, and may be therapy. Oh its too much pain.
that's why I chose this way to die, I hope it works.
Finally its been nice being with all of you (it is just a courtesy call you make before you die because you are afraid that you wont get to go to heaven if you don't say it, If I were you to tell you honestly, most of you suck and are nothing but a bunch of self indulgent wankers with a lot of bloody money and pride. I hate people more than anything, I wish the world just had 48 human beings, all my favorite friends and relatives). And I blame all of these wieners (except 48 favorites) for my untimely death. May you all burn in hell. I have no regrets whatsoever except that I could never try bungee jumping, I hope they have that in hell. Bungee jumping and books and music will make my life rosy in hot hell. What more can I ask for?
Do miss me!
Life has been good to me; in fact its like a gift wrapped in layers. You get rid of one layer and you find another one much more beautiful than the previous one. But then one day, you run out of layers and then you find out what the package contained. I think that the stuff in the packagin is alive and is a shapeshifter. It transforms immediately in a thing which shall amuse the owner the most as well as tease him/her the most.
Life for me has been a big crazy ball. It has always provided me with all the fun and frolic but then it has been as hard to control. It has been bouncing out of my reach for quite some time now, its been too fast for me, it spins a lot more than I want it to and the material it is made up of irritates me to hell. It is spongy and texture is rubbery, you know like one of those teething toys which you always want to bite and squeeze. I am afraid that I am on the brink of biting it open.
It has been a nice, 18 year long (well almost 19) joyride. Honestly, it has been fun all the way. But then you have too much fun and life seems to be too shallow. There has not been much that has made me sad. As one of my friend says, we are sad by choice. We can always be optimistic and take the circumstances to be in our favor, but that is a very hard thing to do. We can ignore certain things but that is equally hard. The beauty is, doing hard things makes you man enough to take up more challenges in life which are as hard to do; so the vicious circle begins. Life is all about getting into that cycle. You get into it once and you only get out of it when you die. That's why I admire Lewis Carroll, he describes this circle so beautifully in Alice in Wonderland. Remember when Alice was falling through that hole, she was amazed by all the things she could see, pots oh shelves, clothes etc. It was amusing, yet frightening to fall through that hole. No-one knows how deep is this rabbit hole, all we know is that when you die, you fall out of the hole in the Wonderland.
I have met a lot (and I mean a L-O-T) of people, but only a rare few have affected me. I don't know how my dying would affect them, but may be I don't want to know. For if it doesn't affect them, it would hurt me to know that; and if it does, I would be unhappy about me dying(here I am assuming that I will know what is happening even after I die, something like re-incarnation. My friend tells me that I would be a bug in my other lives, well I hope that this bug understands all the languages of the world). They, these people I mean, have been the most wonderful wrapping of this gift and undoing them has been the most amazing experience.
Have you ever wondered why don't you want to die? Or why you are afraid to die? There are many possible answers, vis-a-vis
- You think you haven't enjoyed life to the fullest and it is yet too soon to die
- You think you have a higher purpose which is yet to be fulfilled
- You think it is painful to die
- You are not sure of what happens after you die
Of these, the most prominent one, and the one not mentioned, is that we know we cant die because we are indispensable to at least one person on this planet(or we think we know). This person can be anybody, it can be your parents, your lover(s), your friends, your pets, your baby.. Anybody. Once you know that these dependent variables can do without you, trust me you'd want to die(until, of course, you are too selfish and want to survive just for yourself, then your reasons for surviving are pretty similar to the 4 I have mentioned above).
Then there are people who would die because they think that they on of the most despicable creatures on this planet and their survival cannot be of any use to anybody. But they survive because they can always find people who are worse than them(they have to find such people, don't they?).
I don't know which category do I fall into. May be, I am one of those paranoid beings who have little voices in their heads which make them sad, which make them despise everything around them. But then may be I had been surviving because of my parents or may be I am just too lazy to something as hard as killing myself. I mean I could eat loads of sleeping pills and hope to not wake up in the morning, but what if that fails? I could be all crippled and brain damaged, then I would have to undergo a fucking police interrogation, and may be therapy. Oh its too much pain.
that's why I chose this way to die, I hope it works.
Finally its been nice being with all of you (it is just a courtesy call you make before you die because you are afraid that you wont get to go to heaven if you don't say it, If I were you to tell you honestly, most of you suck and are nothing but a bunch of self indulgent wankers with a lot of bloody money and pride. I hate people more than anything, I wish the world just had 48 human beings, all my favorite friends and relatives). And I blame all of these wieners (except 48 favorites) for my untimely death. May you all burn in hell. I have no regrets whatsoever except that I could never try bungee jumping, I hope they have that in hell. Bungee jumping and books and music will make my life rosy in hot hell. What more can I ask for?
Do miss me!
posted by Prashant Gautam at 7:58 PM
2 Comments:
Work of art you call it. Work of art it is.
The way you have defined selfish conveniently classifies me as selfish but I don't mind.
Albus Dumbledore said once: "I would never imagine I know all of Hogwarts' secrets".
And I feel the same about life. And I guess I'm selfish in the sense that I would never think of dying before I've discovered all those secrets. That's why it's very hard for me to see the reason behind suicides; why die when you have a shapeshifter which will surely turn into something astonishing some day. Why not live to be surprised. That shapeshifter idea of yours describes it aptly for me.
I think everyone should write a suicide letter, seriously. And ponder over it not when you feel like dying, as you opined, but maybe in the middle of life's happiest patch. Maybe that will make one see the brighter part of the darkest moments.
Well done. Supremely creative.
I agree with johnny... thought i think the dumbledore example was a tad inappropriate...
really, everyone SHOULD write one... and I don't think anyone deserves to die... I mean, since the criteria for deciding whether some one "deserves" to live is highly ambiguous, simply not have one.
maybe I'll write a suicide note too... but it won't be on my blog...
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